Politics

Tory Chairman Caroline Spelman Reveals long List Of Secretaries between 1997 and 1998

Shortly after being found out, Tory chairman Caroline Spelman has decided to come clean and has revealed she had no less than 15 secretaries during 1997 and 1998. Records reveal that Bob the painter was her secretary for 3 weeks in June 1997 and Ted the plasterer was her secretary for 5 days in January 1998. Jim the gardener was her secretary once a fortnight, usually on a thursday during this period. The clearly hardworking MP was shown to have had 4 secretaries at once in May 1997.
We contacted Trev the plumber, 45, who confirmed that he was her secretary for an afternoon in March 1998. "Yeah, I arrived at her house to unblock a toilet and was shown to a desk, some filing cabinets and the staff canteen," said Trev. "I told her I was there to unblock the toilet and she said that would be fine in between opening the mail and taking calls," added a bemused Trev. "She introduced me to a secretary who was a dab hand at artexing the ceiling," said a clearly impressed Trev. "I felt a bit sorry for her. She could have done with a nanny, but she said she couldn't really afford one," said Trev. "I still overcharged her by a considerable amount and was surprised that she paid without hesitation."
Ms Spelman gave this statement: "Being a working mother and also an MP is quite demanding and involves many hidden expenses. Almost all MPs have hidden expenses. We just don't like talking about it and some of us go to great lengths to avoid doing so as our prime concern is to make sure our constituents' needs are rapidly attended to. It just seemed a reasonable practical solution. After a conversation with the chief whip, who said it 'looked well dodgy,' I decided, even though I had done nothing wrong, that I would limit myself to 3 secretaries, which I acquired from local agencies - Tradesmen Inc and Nannies4U. I've also taken the unusual step and advised colleagues not to give their telephone number to William Hague as he won't stop calling."
Tina Haynes, who was Caroline Spelman's longest serving secretary, would like it to be pointed out that she no longer does secretarial work and is currently 'following her dream' and working as nanny.