Marriage Proposals

Marriage will no longer have to be for life but will now be for a fixed period of time determined by the happy couple. The government have brought in the measure to help reduce the divorce rate and to give people a way out to avoid the stigma of marriage failure and to put them out of their misery.

Marriage will now offer choices as to how long you expect to be married. Friends, relatives and complete strangers can all help and advise as to what term best suits you, but ultimately it will be the doting couples decision.

New Terms are:
2 years (celebrity)
4 years (honest mistake)
5to6 years (more to life)
7to10 years (itching to escape)
11to19 years (kids gone, bye)
20+ years (no parole)

"Obviously, we want people to enjoy their marriage, however short-lived, and we ask people to have realistic expectations as to how they long they expect to be married. When a friend says "It'll never last" or "I give it 6 months" then the couple should take heed of this advice and choose a marriage plan to suit their utterly inevitable marriage collapse," said the Minister For Families.

"We have tried to cover most groups. There are some people who should never have got married. Everyone told them so but they went ahead anyway.

The 2 year bracket gives them hope of an early release and they can show they were committed for the time period they chose.

The 4 year bracket is more for the honest mistake. You don't really know a person until you're with them 24/7 and partners can be really tedious after a while, especially as you discover their little ways, habits and foibles. They confused lust with love. 4 years isn't a long wait to be free. You gave it your best shot.

The 5-7 years is the 'Beginning of the Itch' or 'pre-Itch' as we call it. You've probably got young kids and you're permanently tired. Everywhere is telling you there's a better life out there. Wouldn't it be nice to just walk away after your term ends. No guilt and no stigma. Future partners will be impressed at your past commitment.

"7-10 years is the 'Itch' and people really do want out. We see this as a popular option. This gives couples a chance to finish their term and go back to their first love that they have recently contacted on Friends Reunited. Everyone's happy.

The 11-19 years is for couples who know that they would struggle to part for the sake of the children, they plan to have. This option has quite a spread of years so they can choose a period as to when they feel the kids are at an age where the impact is less.

20+ years is for 'old-school' but it's really just a token gesture and is unlikely to be taken up. You could murder someone and be out quicker, although we don't recommend that," said the Minister.

Celebrities have voiced concerns that the shortest options seems to be 2 years and want a special 1 year license or just a few months if possible. "We find that our members tend to have short, passionate marriages that fizzle out after they have sold the wedding pictures and enough stories about how in love and happy they are. We would like this reflected in the options and a more realistic '6-8 months' would be ideal," said a spokesman for celebrities
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Tied into these new marriage arrangements is what happens when your chosen term ends.

"Once your term ends, you can marry someone else as quickly as the next day. Being married a number of times will actually show you are a commited person, for a specified time period. You can be Elizabeth Taylor without the failure rate," said the Minister

"You can certainly extend your period if you defy the critics and are still happy and in love. There's no need to re-marry the same person. We recommend '1 year rolling contracts' as love can turn to misery in a short space of time. If you decide that the end of the term is the end of the marriage then you can just shake hands and wish each other well for the future. Women will get the kids and the house, so no change of policy there, except we've taken away the formality of court proceedings. The added bonus is that lawyers won't bleed you dry of money as they drag out the inevitable. I can also avoid having men dressed as super heroes on my roof," said the Minister.

New vows are to be added so as to add clarity.

"Whatever happens, we can at least get out before one of us dies, but you'll do for the next[insert your fixed term here] years. That is my solemn vow."

The church, as a whole, has welcomed the move. "Who cares! Everyone is going to hell in a handcart," said a church spokesperson who was a man and definitely not a woman.