The government admitted that they faked 'the mother of all hurricanes' in an attempt to move the whole of the North down to the South. Hurricane Gosarf was described as being the biggest and most powerful ever seen on the mainland.
Prime Minister Gordon Brown had addressed the nation earlier in the week.
"People of the North - You need to be scared. You need to be concerned. You need to be frightened. You need to move South. And that was the case even before this storm appeared."
"People of the South - Sorry."
Ministers added their voice:
"It's a disaster. It's catastrophic. It's the worst thing ever. We're doomed. Finished. It's all over. It's a nightmare. But enough about the economy, this storm is bad too," said Chancellor Alistair Darling.
"I'm the leader. I'm the leader. I'm the leader of the gang I am. Well... very shortly," said David Miliband.
Although urgent appeals had been made for a mass evacuation, gritty northerners gave a collective shrug of the shoulders and decided to stay put. "Bring it on" said one. "It'll just be a breeze" said another. "I'll go to the foot of my stairs" said some. "I've nowt worth damaging" cried many.
In a last ditch attempt to force the evacuation, the government enlisted the help of retired weather presenter Michael Fish.
Standing in front of a weather map showing where the storm was supposed to be and the area that needed to evacuate, he said:
"Earlier on today, a dour Scottish man rang me and said he heard there was a hurricane on the way... well, if you're watching, don't worry, there isn't!".
That sent the North into a panic. Millions immediately began packing up for a move. Whippets were put down and pigeons released. Many began practising how to be unfriendly, self-absorbed and greedy.
The 'storm warning' was exposed as a hoax when the government changed its mind. It was pointed out that if northerners moved towards middle England and down south then they would suddenly become wealthier, go soft, have a better standard of living and a better of quality of life. They would have no need to vote for Labour as they have traditionally always done.
"Yeah, I'm sorry," said Gordon Brown. "You're free to carry on living in poverty and deprivation. This government, like governments in the past and no doubt in the future will just concentrate on the South, which is so warm and cosy and rich."
