Super Burglar's Case Dismissed

Judge Throws Out Case Against Super Burglar For Being Implausible.

Judge Jefferson, 83, threw out the prosecutions case that Jimmy Johnson was the super burglar, who had stolen GBP30 million from stately homes, on the grounds that it 'couldn't possibly be.'
Judge Jefferson repeatedly interrupted the prosecution to ask "Are you sure? What I see before me is a scruffy little toe-rag." The prosecution confirmed he was the super burglar and went on to describe how Johnson lived in a tiny caravan with his 8 children and his wife, who was also his grandmother.

The Judge said he would allow the police some time to find the real burglar(s) but PC Timbrell said that Jimmy Johnson was the man behind the crimes. PC Timbrell went on to describe how Jimmy Johnson had hid his crimes by living the life of a poor waste of space.

The Judge then turned his attentions to Jimmy Johnson

"Look, you're a dirty, ugly, scruffy, smelly toe-rag and yet they say you have stolen GBP30 million. It's a set up isn't it? You've been framed? I mean, look where you live! Look at your clothes, your teeth, your hair. You're nothing more than a tramp in a caravan with no condoms," said the sympathetic Judge.

Johnson nodded to the Judge and said "that's about the size of it, your Honour" looking directly at the jury.

The Judge then dismissed the case and asked for the police to look for some suave, sophisticated criminals living a luxurious lifestyle in Monte Carlo and said he would be writing to the Chief Constable so that 'pathetic, revolting, lazy, bottom-rungers would not be falsely accused of crimes that they showed no outward sign of committing.

He recommended Johnson have a bath even though it wasn't his birthday.